Hello, is it Mrs Kalina? - I hear a rough man's voice on the other side of the phone.
Yes, that is me - I answer shortly.
It’s Doctor Smith calling from the surgery. I am contacting you with regards to your last health checks. We have the results. The sample of your blood indicates low levels of white cells and high CK levels. Your DEXA scan revealed Osteopenia, but do not worry too much Mrs Kalina, this is very common for people with your condition.
I stop listening. I feel like my blood drains from my brain. I have never had any health issues! I am too young for this! What does “low white cells” mean?! “High CK levels”?! I have never heard of them! And what is Osteopenia? It sounds like some sort of weird, exotic name!
I do my best to calm down and focus on what the doctor says next. He explains all these complicated terminologies.
White Cells are the cells of the immune system. They are involved in protecting the body against both infectious disease and foreign invaders. Apparently not getting enough nutritious food can decrease white cells level which increases the risk of catching the infection.
Creatine Kinase (CK) is an enzyme that leaks out of damaged muscle. When elevated CK levels are found in a blood sample, it usually means muscle is being destroyed by some abnormal process, such as muscular dystrophy or inflammation. The doctor mentioned that higher CK levels in my blood might be an indication that my activity level is too high.
Osteopenia is a health condition that weakens bones, making them fragile and more likely to break.
Doctor Smith finishes the explanation and advises contacting the Eating Disorder team who will support me through my recovery. He suggests that I should eat more nutritious food and exercise less. I am fuming now, I literally steam! I feel so angry I want to explode. There must have been a mistake! I eat really well! All my meals are nutritious and I am sure I eat enough. Yes, on the NHS weight chart I am still underweight, but I do not really pay that much attention to it. They use a BMI (body mass indicator) calculator to advise your body type (underweight, healthy, overweight, obese). I do not like tools like that. Why should I trust them? Everyone is different and for me it matters how I physically feel and I feel well. Why should I care about BMI numbers?
Anyway, coming back to the doctor’s point...after doing analysis in my head, food seems fine to me, no issues here. Let’s move to exercising… Again! He is totally wrong here! I do not exercise how I used to. I miss it a lot. Since I have injured myself I cannot run and jump. I walk instead and walking is good, walking is healthy. There are a million benefits of walking every day! I googled them all and I know. I do between 10 - 25 kilometers every day. Not a big deal. This cannot be too much! On the contrary this must be super healthy. Is it not?
I feel confused. I have an analytical mind. But two plus two does not equal four here. What is wrong? I pause my thinking process for a second. I gather the courage and look in the mirror. I do not like looking there these days. I see a girl with pale, grey skin. There are dark circles under her eyes. Her hair is thin and harsh. It used to shine, but not anymore. She has sadness in her eyes, there is no life in them, no joy, no happiness. She is lost. I realise that I am this girl, I am lost. I go downstairs and open my laptop. I google “Health risks of anorexia” and an NHS website pops up. I read:
Long-term anorexia can lead to severe health problems associated with not getting the right nutrients (malnutrition).
Possible complications include:
problems with muscles and bones – including feeling tired and weak, osteoporosis, and problems with physical development in children and young adults
fertility problems
loss of sex drive
problems with the heart and blood vessels – including poor circulation, an irregular heartbeat, low blood pressure, heart valve disease, heart failure, and swelling in the feet, hands or face (oedema)
problems with the brain and nerves – including fits (seizures), and difficulties with concentration and memory
kidney or bowel problems
having a weakened immune system or anaemia
Anorexia can also put your life at risk. It's one of the leading causes of deaths related to mental health problems. Deaths from anorexia may be due to physical complications or suicide.
I finish reading the page. I close my laptop. I am even more lost now...